


christmas is when miracles are supposed to happen

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Universe, Christmas Spirit, Crying men, Feelings, M/M, family values, god there are so many feelings, it's like heteronormativity but with romance, romonormativity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-24 19:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21962977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: After choosing between his dream of being a father and his dream of leading NEWS, Koyama sets up to enjoy Christmas Eve alone. Shige won't let that happen.
Relationships: Kato Shigeaki/Koyama Keiichiro
Kudos: 9





	christmas is when miracles are supposed to happen

**Author's Note:**

> i'm writing this other koyashige fic that made me really sad, so i wrote this to give koyama his happy ending. inspired by the lyrics to santa inai christmas, though it has nothing to do with the story told in the song. title is also from that song: きっと奇跡が起こるクリスマス. i'm not very good at interpretation yet, but i hope the feeling is conveyed well enough. メリクリ！♥

Even on paper, the angel shines brightly atop the Christmas tree. Koyama hadn’t had time to put up a real tree this year, not that Milk would have left it standing long enough to appreciate, so he had improvised.

Truth be told, he wasn’t really feeling the holiday spirit. Usually, the holiday season is his favorite time of the year, all of the pretty lights and decorations and selfless love floating around, but this year was different.

This is the year he had decided he was going to be alone.

Not just for Christmas, for _ever_. He’s thirty-five years old, and while his senpai have managed to find love at ages much older than that, Koyama doesn’t have much hope for himself. He’s already in love with NEWS, he argues, and it wouldn’t be fair to ask anyone to compete with that.

As much as he wants a family of his own, he can’t have that and be an active idol at the same time. There is only so much of him to go around, and one of them would have to suffer. And after how hard he’s worked to keep NEWS together over the past sixteen years, it won’t be that one.

So, he’d made his decision. Over the summer, when he had nothing to do but watch Massu’s drama and film NEWS na Futari, he spent a lot of time thinking about what he _really_ wants out of life and what will make him the happiest. Surprisingly, it wasn’t the thought of holding a baby he had helped create in his arms while his wife smiles at him; it’s continuing to make music with the other members and do everything in his power to keep _everyone_ around him smiling.

His mother thinks he’s being overdramatic, and maybe he is. But at the same time, she has seen his face light up when he talks about his job and compared it to how he’s talked about past datefriends. She knows how upset he had gotten when his future with NEWS was uncertain and it was far beyond any heartbreak he had ever experienced. She may not believe him right now, but she definitely understands his feelings.

His sister thinks he’s been secretly married to Shige this entire time, so her opinion is invalid.

In a way, though, she’s right. What Koyama has with the other members is similar to what people do in a marriage—loyalty, long-term commitment, unconditional support. While he’s confident that Tegoshi’s going to marry the first woman who can put up with him long enough for him to propose, Tegoshi is the type of person who can easily balance work and family. He already does it with soccer, just like Shige does with his writing. And Massu, well. Nobody really knows how Massu’s heart works, but Koyama knows that he’s in this for life. They all are.

That doesn’t make this any less sad. Koyama had spent his entire adolescence and most of his adult life preparing to be a husband and a father. He has studied married men in the entertainent industry and, while they seemed happy enough, their distance from their wives and children didn’t settle well with Koyama. If he were going to promise forever to another human being and take responsibility in creating more, he was going to do it full time. No concert tours, no weeks away filming on location.

Not even the thought of a tiny child with his eyes could tear his heart away from his future with NEWS.

Koyama stares at the sparkly tree, colored with gel pens by Shige who has recently turned to adult coloring books to help manage his stress, and tries to feel hopeful. He’s getting what he wants, after all. His mom already has grandchildren, so he doesn’t even have to feel guilty out of filial piety.

Besides, it would be impossible for him to love another person the way he loves the other NEWS members. Tegoshi always makes him laugh, Massu is Koyama’s rock and the voice of reason when he needs it, and Shige, well. Koyama doesn’t remember what it felt like _not_ to love Shige, back when he was an insufferable brat as well as the amazing adult he’s become.

The thought of never working with them again has kept Koyama awake at night, sent him spiralling into a deep depression that he still hasn’t told them about, and has made them his number one priority since he took over as leader eight years ago. He knows he comes on strong sometimes, but that has always been his nature and they all expect it from him by now.

Nadja had invited him to spend Christmas Eve with her and her friends, but Koyama’s not entirely positive that he would escape unfeminized in a group of queens. Besides, if he’s going to commit to this whole being alone forever thing, he needs to learn how to enjoy his own company on these special days.

He has a whole evening planned, a date just for himself. He’s going to cook while listening to holiday music to get into the spirit, then curl up with his cat in his most comfy pajamas and watch his favorite anime. He’ll top the night off with a bubble bath, and if he feels like it, some shameless self-love before bed.

He’s halfway through the third episode when there’s a knock at his door. Frowning, he wonders if his neighbor got locked out again and feels both a sense of joy and annoyance at his home date being interrupted by another person. Regardless, he can’t in good faith let someone stay out in the cold on Christmas Eve, so he gets to his feet and looks through the peep hole in case it’s a stalker.

It’s definitely not a stalker. Too surprised to have any other feelings, he flings his door open to find Shige on his front step, laden with his laptop bag and what looks like a portable projector.

“What are you—”

“Can I come in?” Shige cuts him off, sounding frantic and rushed.

Koyama’s heartbeat increases just looking at him, and all he can do is nod and step aside while Shige lugs his burdens into Koyama’s apartment. The door is open long enough for the sharp chill of the evening to seep in, giving Koyama a sharp shiver even after he has it securely closed.

He watches silently while Shige sets up the projector screen and his laptop, then sees the face Shige makes at the dishes on Koyama’s low table.

“You cooked?” Shige asks, his words coming out almost accusatory.

“I did,” Koyama replies, boasting about his culinary masterpiece like a child who’s excited about a school project. “There are leftovers, if you want some. I didn’t clean up yet because, well, I wasn’t expecting company.”

Shige seems to accept that and goes back to his laptop. He’s got his desktop showing on the projector screen now, an old picture of the pair of them in New York City when Shige was into photography, and Koyama pauses in his attempt to clean up.

“You keep a picture of us on your desktop?”

“It’s a bunch of pictures of all of us,” Shige answers distractedly, navigating from folder to folder with his mouse trackpad. “It changes every half hour. There are pictures of me and Tegoshi, me and Massu, just Tegoshi and Massu, et cetera. It’s there to remind me when you’re not around.”

Koyama thinks that’s the saddest thing he’s ever heard, and while he wants nothing more than to prod Shige to elaborate on that feeling, he’s more curious what kind of show he’s about to get. “What’s with the projector?”

“Christmas present,” Shige says evasively, then frowns as PowerPoint takes an eternity to load his file. “Sort of. Please sit? It will make sense once I get started.”

“Are you lecturing me about feminism again?” Koyama asks skeptically, remembering the last time Shige had sat both him and Tegoshi down with a PowerPoint slideshow.

That has Shige laughing. “Not this time. Just wait, okay? I think you will like it a lot. At least, I hope you will.”

Koyama smiles as he notices Shige’s stoicism for what it actually is—nervousness. Whatever he’s about to present to Koyama is important enough to go through all of this trouble to prepare and likely rehearse. It feels a little like Koyama is the professor and Shige’s the student who’s desperately trying to earn the highest marks. Usually Koyama is the one who is vying for Shige’s approval, so this is totally backwards.

The title slide is another picture of the pair of them, only this one has Koyama’s heart jumping into his throat. It’s the first documented picture of the pair of them ever, which Koyama had forgotten about until just this moment. He couldn’t have been more than seventeen, which would have made Shige fourteen, both of them all bones with awful haircuts while they were decidedly not looking at each other.

“Do you remember this day?” Shige asks, taking on this booming announcer voice that has Koyama sitting up straight on his couch. Now Shige’s the professor, and Koyama’s paying rapt attention to every word that comes out of his mouth.

“The day we met?” Koyama guesses. “Or shortly after.”

“We didn’t like each other at first,” Shige goes on, and Koyama nods as he recalls his adolescent emotions pushing away the one whom he wanted to know the most. “Kusano took this picture the day he sat us down and told us we were being dumb and we should just be friends.”

Koyama laughs out loud. “It was so easy back then. Say you’re friends, and you are.”

“Yeah,” Shige agrees, nostalgia softening his own face as he clicks to the next slide, extending the pointer to connect with the projector screen for added emphasis. “It was hard work, given our strong personalities, but we made it. Through each obstacle that life threw at us, through each stupid fight, we emerged stronger and our friendship grew.”

Koyama nods as Shige keeps clicking through different pictures, no less than twenty slides of them smiling and posing together just because someone had a camera. NEWS hadn’t even been a thought in anyone’s head yet, so camera phones hadn’t become mainstream either, which means that Shige had to have acquired these pictures from someone’s digital collection or even scan them himself.

“Even when NEWS was formed and we were told it was only going to be temporary, we were so, so happy to debut together.” Shige pauses on a picture of the pair of them at Koyama’s mom’s house, huddled over a cake his sister had made them because she had just started getting into baking. It read “Congratulations, little brothers” and Koyama can’t stop staring at the genuine elation on both of their faces, how they were both clinging to each other like two kids who didn’t yet have a reason to keep their distance.

Koyama inhales sharply as he gets a bad feeling where this is going, but he ignores it and focuses on Shige’s words and their younger expressions as he describes their early years as nine members and then eight. When he reaches the first hiatus, Koyama thinks about asking for a break, because his heart is so overwhelmed that he thinks he might cry if they go any further, but then Shige says something that has him changing gears completely.

“It was around that time that I realized I wanted you in my life, specifically.” Shige takes a deep breath, but Koyama doesn’t dare take the opportunity to talk. A picture of the two of them in Shige’s first apartment lingers on the projector, both of them exhausted from moving furniture but still grinning brightly, because it was only days before Kusano’s scandal that would send them on hiatus for over a year. “Whether NEWS stayed together or not, whether we continued working for Johnny’s or not, I didn’t want to lose you. I _couldn’t_ lose you.”

Koyama blinks as Shige stares at the ceiling a little bit, then clears this throat and goes on with his presentation. He reviews their comeback as six members, pointing out Koyama’s forced “member love” movement that only served to make it hurt worse when the last two departed, though the one good thing that came out of it was the trust that cemented between the remaining four.

“It was like all the walls between us broke, and nothing was censored anymore,” Shige explains, clicking through a series of pictures of the four of them that have never graced any magazines. “Tegoshi, who trusted no one and only showed us the face he thought we wanted to see, openly talked to us about his real feelings. Massu, who had always been a closed book when it came to his private life, started sharing personal things with us. Even me, who was a self-imposed victim of insecurity and social influence, began to find confidence from your unconditional support and dedication, enough to publish the writing that I had been too scared to show anyone up until then.”

Koyama’s vision gets blurry as tears finally well up in his eyes, but Shige doesn’t stop to point them out. He had probably anticipated them, offering a sniffle of his own as he moves on to their comeback as four. Koyama is grateful that Shige doesn’t have a slide dedicated to how bad Koyama got during that year of uncertainty, although he probably figured that Koyama didn’t need a reminder of that horrible time in his life on Christmas Eve.

“Everything I have become in my life, everything I have accomplished as an adult, has been because you were there cheering me on,” Shige goes on. “I don’t remember what my life was like before you were in it, and while I probably would have grown out of my brattiness and made something of myself someday, I don’t doubt that I wouldn’t be nearly as happy as I am now, as satisfied with the adult I’ve become and the path we’re on, as NEWS and as best friends.”

Koyama’s face hurts from grinning, even through his tears that continue to cascade down his face while he witnesses the best present he could ever receive. It’s exactly what he needed to justify his decision to choose NEWS, amplifying his love for them and their future together. The fact that Shige put this whole thing together without knowing Koyama’s feelings was nothing short of a miracle.

“We’ve been friends for eighteen years,” Shige says, sounding both surprised and proud at the declaration. “That’s long enough to fully raise a child! While I would feel sorry for any child who had the two of us as a main source of influence when we were stupid teenagers, it does feel like an apt analogy when you think about everything we’ve been through together, all of which I’ve documented in this slideshow so far.”

“NEWS is our baby,” Koyama finally speaks, his voice groggy from crying, but Shige just smiles like Koyama had said the right thing.

“NEWS has continued to be successful because of the hard work and nurturing we’ve given it over the years.” Shige falters a bit in his speech, and Koyama realizes that they’re approaching the _real_ purpose of this presentation. “If it wasn’t for the four of us and our dedication to the group, we wouldn’t still be doing this together. It’s something that none of us want to say out loud, but we all know to be true. NEWS continues to exist because of us. Because of _you_.”

Shige hasn’t changed slides in a good while, which has Koyama even more concerned about what lies ahead. Certainly, Shige wouldn’t go through all of this trouble just to announce that he’s leaving the group—no, Koyama isn’t even going to think about that. It goes against everything Shige’s been saying, anyway. If nothing else, Shige’s intent here is to bring them even _closer_.

Koyama chokes on nothing at the realization that Shige could be about to confess to him.

“Unfortunately, being an idol in our thirties comes with a large sacrifice,” Shige says, hesitating a bit before clicking to the next slide. It’s a montage of their scandal headlines, all four of them. “Our private lives are continuously under scrutiny, not to mention the lack of time we have to devote to building anything substantial with someone outside of the group.”

The next wave of Koyama’s tears are out of sadness, and Shige purposely doesn’t look at him as he clicks through the next couple slides of idol relationship statistics in Japan, both male and female. Shige really did his homework, extrapolating data from multiple sources to be as accurate and thorough as possible, though that doesn’t make the number of male idols who have both an active career and a strong family presence any higher.

“The good thing about these charts is that they’re not guidelines,” Shige says. “We don’t have to become a statistic just because others have. We have the unique opportunity as a group who is deeply connected to each other to throw caution to the wind and do something different, something unprecedented. And while it may seem crazy at first, I promise you that it will work, because there is literally nothing we haven’t made work this far.”

The more Shige talks about the group, the less Koyama thinks this is about just the two of them. If that’s the case, he has to wonder why Tegoshi and Massu aren’t here too, or maybe they already got this presentation separately. Why is Koyama the last one to know?

“I think we should have a baby together.”

That has Koyama shutting down completely. He’d heard the words, of course, but the meaning is too much for him to process while he’s already a sobbing ball of emotions on Christmas Eve. He can’t even begin to process it, instead focusing through his tears on the next couple slides detailing how they could obtain a surrogate so that the child would biologically be Koyama’s.

“It has to be you,” Shige emphasizes, looking directly at Koyama for the first time in several very long minutes. He doesn’t seem surprised that Koyama has worked himself into a big mess, though he does frown a bit as the sight undoubtedly does things to his own heart. “You have the healthiest genes out of all of us, and I know how much you’ve wanted a child of your own. I know what you’ve given up for the group.”

“You do?” Koyama demands, finding his voice as his defensiveness kicks in. “Did my mother call you?”

“She did,” Shige admits, quickly adding, “but I had already been thinking about this before that. Years, actually. I never thought you would go for it, but hearing that you had actually devoted yourself to a lifetime of loneliness in exchange for the group gave me the courage to present it to you tonight.”

“What about Tegoshi and Massu?” Koyama asks. “Do they know about this?”

“They know that I’m looking into it,” Shige tells him, and Koyama feels left out again at being the last to know. “They both agreed that this should be something that you and I do together, but they will definitely help out and accept any backlash we get as a group over it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me first?” Koyama’s voice comes out small and weak, but this is the last person he needs to care about that around. “Why did you spend an hour throwing our memories in my face before telling me what this was really about?”

“Because I needed you to understand where this decision came from,” Shige answers gently, though his tone is starting to grow uneven. “This isn’t me just wanting to combine two birds with one stone, or have my cake and eat it too, whatever metaphor you want to use. You aren’t a convenient child-rearing partner to me. I have spent eighteen years of my life with you, and I’m prepared to spend the next eighteen or longer making _all_ of our dreams come true.”

“It sounds like you’re proposing to me,” Koyama says without thinking, then sees the way Shige flinches at his words. “Are you?”

“Sort of?” Shige replies, abandoning the projector to plop down on the couch and put his face in his hands. “Dammit, I promised myself I would get through this without breaking down.”

“How many more slides are there?” Koyama asks, his own feelings of discontent put aside in favor of comforting Shige.

“Just my theories about how it would work,” Shige says dismissively, lowering his hands to reveal red eyes. “I didn’t want to be too presumptive, since you would have equal say in what happens of course, but I figured we would bring the baby to work and hire additional staff to watch them while we’re busy. Ideally, we could take them on tour with us and plan our activities around their school schedule when they get older. The possibilities are endless, not limited.”

Despite Koyama’s upset, his heart flutters at Shige putting in so much thought for him. “Do you really think we could remain at the same level of work we have now and also uphold the responsibility of having a _baby_?”

“I really do, because we would be combining the two,” Shige answers, casting a dejected look back toward the projector. “I have a Venn diagram on one of the slides, actually.”

“I want to believe you,” Koyama says, his breath heaving like his lungs are agreeing with him, “but you have overlooked one very important detail.”

“What’s that?” Shige asks, instantly jumping to defense, and Koyama smiles at how serious Shige is about his research.

“How you feel about me,” Koyama tells him, and Shige’s stern expression falls. “You want to raise a child with me, sharing this experience with the other members and our fans, but you see me as a friend. A best friend even, but shouldn’t a family be created out of love?”

“I do love you,” Shige says firmly. “I love you more than any person I’ve ever tried to be romantic with in my entire life. I love you so much that I did all of this research and thought all of this through because I couldn’t _stand_ to see you lonely for the rest of our lives.”

“That’s the wrong reason, Shige.” Koyama smiles despite the sadness in his heart. “What happens when you meet someone you want to marry, huh? _You_ didn’t commit to being alone forever, did you?”

“I did, actually.” Shige sniffs again as he stares up at the ceiling, obviously trying very hard not to cry. “A couple years ago, after my last relationship, I just gave up. I preferred being alone, living at my own pace, and the only effort I wanted to make for another person was with the three of you. This will be a happy ending for me too, trust me.”

“But you don’t love me like that,” Koyama reiterates. “And if I do this with you, I will fall very deeply in love with you. I already am, a little bit. It will break my heart if you don’t feel the same way, if I have to hold back what I feel so strongly for the rest of my life.”

Shige bursts out laughing, and Koyama’s seriously about to get mad until Shige struggles to stop and waves his hands like that’s going to make Koyama less angry. “I’m not laughing at your feelings, I promise!” Shige has to breathe a couple times before he can speak clearly. “It’s just that I was going to end my presentation with this exact topic. How doing this together would likely push us over the line between friendship and love, and whether you could grow to love me that way.”

“I don’t have to grow,” Koyama mumbles, and Shige really does start crying right in front of him. “Finish the presentation! Now I want to see how it ends.”

“Okay,” Shige agrees, nodding to himself as he wipes his eyes and returns to his feet. He’s a bit shaky, but he easily regains his lecturer stance and Koyama wonders if this is what Shige’s life as a lawyer would have been like.

As Shige goes on with his clip-art tables depicting how adding a baby to their group would change their lives, Koyama realizes that he doesn’t have to wonder. This is what Shige’s life has become, already intertwined with Koyama’s. He feels Shige’s passion and dedication in the words he speaks and the research he’s done, the future he’s planned out for both of them—plus one.

Shige wants to buy a house, far away from the city for their child to play outside while close enough to commute to work. Koyama spent eight years commuting from Kanagawa, Shige points out. This won’t be nearly as bad as that. He has even looked into injections and surgery options to coexist with Milk without being miserable from his allergies. Then he brings up their past schedules, season by season, and offers several options to keep the baby close to them while they’re working.

There are a couple slides that include Tegoshi and Massu, mostly for when the child is old enough to play and enjoy going places, but overall this last section is purely about Koyama and Shige. Raising a baby together, _existing_ together. Even if Shige hadn’t broken down and interrupted himself to give in to his feelings, Koyama would still feel a strong pull to level up their relationship.

Now that he knows how Shige feels about him, it’s even stronger.

“In conclusion,” Shige says, “I think that adding a baby to our group will quench our paternal urges as well as create a niche style of idol entertainment where we’re promoted as fathers, doing photoshoots _with_ our child and bringing them on stage with us. We could be pioneers in combining work and family, potentially improving fathers’ involvement as caretakers overall. I will delve more into that when I make this presentation for Takizawa-kun and Julie-san, but I’m hoping to wait until we have an actual baby so they can’t say no as easily.”

Koyama stares at him, the concept of including his ( _their_ ) child as part of the group piercing right through his heart. “You have really thought this out.”

“I don’t do anything half-assed,” Shige says firmly, and Koyama smiles. “That includes _us_. If I’m going to do this with you, I’m going to feel things that are more than friendly toward you. It’s inevitable. I already love you enough to do this for you—for _us_ —but I’m going to love you even more. I’m more than okay with what we have now, just like I have been this entire time, but if there’s a chance that your feelings might grow too, I’d like to explore that as well. We don’t have to share _that_ with everyone.”

“Just like you have been this entire time,” Koyama repeats, and Shige somehow manages to look sheepish while his face is puffy from crying. “How long have you wanted to be with me that way?!”

“It’s not what you think,” Shige rushes to say, clearly done with his presentation as he returns to the couch to meet Koyama’s eyes. “I don’t look at you that way. I care about you, and I want to make you happy above all else. If we end up getting closer because of it, well, I’m open to the idea.”

 _“_ Could you actually do it?” Koyama challenges him, his spine straightening as he takes a rare dominant stance with this one. “Kissing me, making love with me—could you do it?”

“I think so,” Shige answers, and Koyama’s breath hitches. “I’ve done it before, with men. I know you have too, so it’s not about being _able_ to do it, right? It’s about _wanting_ to, and dammit Keiichiro, it would be _so easy_ to cross that line with you. All you have to do is say the word, and I’m fucking yours.”

“Shige...” Koyama takes a deep breath while Shige looks like he’s bracing himself for the worst. “This is a lot to process at once. Not just the baby, but _us_...I need time.”

“Okay,” Shige says, flashing a smile as he grabs onto his knees, pushing himself into a standing position. “I’ll leave you to the rest of your evening.”

“Is that the last slide?” Koyama asks, peering at the Venn diagram Shige had warned him about earlier. “It seems abrupt to end it that way.”

“It’s not.” Shige fumbles with his clicker, and Koyama finds himself staring at a picture of himself and Shige with his then-newborn niece. Koyama’s smitten with her, and Shige’s face leaves no doubt in anyone’s mind that he’s smitten with Koyama.

“I’ve never seen this picture before,” Koyama says.

“That’s because I’ve never shown it to you,” Shige tells him. “Your sister took it and sent it to me with a text that said something like ‘whenever you want to tell my brother how you feel about him, I will support both of you’. I wasn’t ready then, and I’m not even sure I’m ready now, but I needed you to see this so that you don’t think I’m just blowing smoke up your ass.”

“I don’t think that,” Koyama whispers, then grabs for Shige’s wrist as he goes to pack up his laptop. “Don’t leave.”

“Okay,” Shige answers easily, like he’d just needed a push to stay, and Koyama smiles at him. “Is the offer to eat still open, because I’m suddenly starving.”

Koyama jumps up to fix him a bowl, heating it up in the microwave before presenting it to Shige with as much flourish as he can manage with his heart all twisted up. “I’ve gotten better at cooking,” he adds as Shige peers at the concoction in his bowl.

Serves him right when he’s so surprised that it actually tastes good that he almost chokes. “You really have improved! I’m proud of you.”

“That means a lot coming from you,” Koyama says pointedly, and Shige elbows him. Koyama watches him eat, comfortable wtih the domesticity of it even after hearing Shige’s unorthodox proposal. “I wanna do it,” he blurts out.

“Do what?” Shige answers, then widens his eyes as he presumably catches on. “Have a baby?”

“All of it,” Koyama replies, extending a hand to cover the one Shige has resting on his knee, and the way Shige squeezes it immediately cements his sudden decision. “This feels right, and I have no good reason to say no. And I’m looking forward to telling our kid that they were born from a PowerPoint presentation.”

Shige laughs, then gives Koyama a knowing look. “What about us? Are we going to be more than friends?”

“For that, I think we need to take it one day at a time,” Koyama tells him, and Shige frowns at the answer he clearly didn’t want. “For today, I’ll let you cuddle me to sleep.”

“Do I have to wait until we go to sleep?” is Shige’s only protest, and Koyama scoots closer in response.

It’s not the first time Shige has held him, on this very couch even, but it’s the first time it might mean something, and surprisingly Koyama’s not scared. The baby part terrifies him—the only thing worse than failing at being a father is failing in the public eye where everybody can judge him—but when it comes to whatever he ends up doing with Shige, Koyama’s not worried at all.

His bond with Shige is strong enough to withstand anything, even this whole plan blowing up in their faces.

Koyama still gets his bubble bath, soaking while Shige does some work on his laptop, but he doesn’t need to please himself sexually because he’s already been pleased emotionally. Sex is the furthest thing from his mind as Shige curls up behind him in his bed, arms wrapped around him tightly with light breaths on his shoulder as they fall asleep.

The morning brings forth even more comfort and warmth, and Koyama savors it before he has to get ready for work and everything else the day has in store for him. Even with the total 180 his life has flipped in the past twelve hours, Koyama’s ready for anything. In Shige’s loving embrace, he feels unstoppable.

“Merry Christmas,” Shige’s deep voice caresses his ear, and Koyama shivers as he stretches without pulling away. “Did Santa-san bring you what you wanted this year?”

“I got more than I could have ever asked for,” Koyama replies, his voice thick with sleep, and Shige squeezes him tighter.

“Next year will be even better,” Shige says, the promise shining in his voice, and Koyama believes.


End file.
